When I decide to tell you about my journey, it is because it gave me awareness and strength, two of the most valuable characters I possess today. They have made me able to accomplish anything I set my mind to. It will for always be apart of me and no one kan take that away from me.
I am sitting at the pier in a little town in the south of Norway, looking out over the sea. I think back on my childhood and the small fishing community where I grew up. Not everyone has the courage to chase their dreams, but I remember how important it was for my father to provide us with the opportunities to do so. Therefore, prayer was a part of our everyday life, and each day ended with reading the Bible.
Maybe it wasn't so strange that I knew very well what I wanted, even at the age of 8. I did whatever it took to make it happen and when my grandfather died, I told my father my first lie ever.
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. These were words I had read in the Bible. I was convinced that my treasure was in the wharfside shed, where I could work, make money and spend time with the adults. Therefore, I didn't feel bad when I used my late grandfather's words to get what I wanted. Also, I nagged until I got my fathers consent.
Up until this point, I had feared nothing – But when the darkness descends upon you, it brings out fear that has been hidden in the soul.
The darkness came to me on a night like any other, when I was preparing to go to bed and gave every one in my family a good night hug. In front of everyone, my mother said that she didn't want to hug me because I had kissed a boy in my class. Upset, I ran to my bedroom to cry. I didn't understand what wrong I had done. I remember how afraid I was as I could feel my heart beating in a way I wasn't used to. At that point I understood how important it was to have a God to turn to in my prayers.
I knew I would wake up the next day, get up and do the same things I had done my entire life. Still, everything would be different. The good night hug from my mother would from now on always be an empty hug.
Life continues to teach me – I was 16 years old, I had just completed upper secondary school, and was looking forward to moving to my aunt and uncle's home to continue my education. It was autumn and I was walking to school as normal, a christian boarding school my father had chosen for me. As the last class of the day was about to begin, I was told to report to the principal's office. Alone and insecure, I approached the office door.
In the office, the principal told me that I had to reside at the boarding school or quit. Clearly, I got very upset and wondered how someone who had such a close relationship with God could do this to me. Then I realized that I had no choice. I decided to immerse myself in the textbooks and do what was required of me in order to succeed at school. That year, life taught me more than all the books I read.
I still couldn't figure out life - The next 20 years, I never totally understood myself. Sometimes, my heart told unbearable tales of nostalgia, but I couldn't find the answer to what it was I was longing for. Other times, the sole sound of the ocean hitting the shore would overwhelm me. But although my heart was uneasy, it was still alive. That was up until a day when my heart again pounded in a way I hadn't felt before. All I knew at the time was that life didn't feel worth living. I was completely unable to think. I had just realized that the man I had built a home with wasn't coming back to me. He was expecting a child with someone else. I could hear myself repeat, what did I do wrong? Why does nobody love me? Those were the questions that seemed to haunt me.
I was ready to give up on life. The shotgun on the table in front of me was loaded. As I saw my life coming to an end, the phone rang. It was my mother. She was worried about me. My mother never calls me and hasn't done so after this one time.
I couldn't give up on life - I was realizing that I had just been trying to be happy. My heart felt calmer and I decided to travel. Without any purpose or reasoning, I bought a ticket to Egypt. When I arrived, I found an affordable hotel in Sham El Sheikh. It was Christmas and the night was very cold. Never have I felt so lonely, and never have I cried so much. I remember having a breakdown that night just because I felt so empty and alone. What I didn't understand was that my heart was calmer because I was getting closer to my dream.
I spent the night without any proper sleep and soon the sun rose. It was time to see Shram El Sheikh, and after a while, I found my way to the Old Town. As I was ordering a cup of tea, my eyes fell upon someone who made me smile. It was Ahmed, an old, wise man who made my heart feel alive again. We smoked Shisha and played backgammon as he told me the story about St. Catherine's Church and Mount Sinai. As he got up and left, I remained seated, watching as he disappeared. Around me the tables had been filled and I hadn't even noticed. Sitting there, thinking about what I had just experienced, I decided to travel to Mount Sinai as soon as possible.
The story of Mount Sinai - The Bible tells of God turning to Moses to give him the task of leading the people of Israel out of Egypt. Moses then asked, who shall I say sent me? In this dialogue between God and Moses, God reveals something fundamental about himself: «I am HE WHO IS ....Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, HE WHO IS hath sent me unto you.»
There is an even deeper truth to this revelation to Moses. God showed Moses and Israel that He who is would help to guide them.That implies that God is a God of action. When the people of Israel went with Moses, they stopped by Mount Sinai and Moses received the stone tablets with the 10 commandments. God kept his promise and led his people out of Egypt and into Canaan. This is how He was seen as a creative God.
Getting closer to my dream – Full of excitement, I waited for the taxi which was to take me to St. Catherine's Church. The trip took about 3 hours, and when I finally found myself in the middle of the Sinai desert, I thought back on the time when I was 16. The only thing on my mind back then was moving out from my parents house. Looking up at the beautiful mountains surrounding me, the only thing on my mind now was to reach the top. It was the 24th December 2000. At midnight, after dinner, I walked outside in the dark and decided to start climbing Mount Sinai. Without fear, led by the stars, I followed the path for 3 hours before I reached the top.
Alone with my thoughts and a bottle of Cognac this Christmas morning, I sat at the egde of the mountain with my legs dangling. As the sun rose from the horizon the silence surrounding me was absolute. Suddenly, I heard a voice talking to me and I realized that I was no longer alone. He said: “Imagine if we all knew what the silence is telling us. Once we learn this, we will also be able to understand the advice life gives us”. We looked at each other, me and this man, who's name I do not know. We looked at each other until I closed my eyes to listen to the wind. When I opened my eyes, he was still there. Without exchanging another word, we both took a sip of the Cognac, and then he got up and left. As he descended the mountain and disappeared, I knew that the wind had given me the answer. I had found my way home by understanding my heart and accepting it as it was.
At this point, I also gave myself a challenge. I was on my way to find what I had been dreaming of, what I wanted my life to contain, because I had started listening to the advice given to me by life.
